Steve Horner's Revenge, or the ascent of Roy Den Hollander

Looks like renegade party pooper Steve Horner may get the last laugh after all. After calling "dibs" on the ideal that "Ladies Night" at bars crushes his civil rights, a gaggle of "me too's" are popping up nation wide. Seeking to one up Mr Horner, who merely sued for the rights of all Colorado males, one Mr Roy Den Hollander feels that he needs to lead the charge for all American males and is taking his case to the Federal Court. He's a modern day Martin Luther King Jr. I'm sure that one day there will be schools, streets and holiday's in RDH's honor.

Says RDH, "I'm tired of having my rights violated and being treated as a second-class citizen." I suppose, "I have a dream that my four little children will one day live in a nation where they will not be judged by their chest hair but by the amount of liquor they can drink for half price." would have been a bit much.

Seriously, shouldn't having your rights violated and being treated as a second-class citizen for something that 150 million American share, a hoo-hoo, affect more outrage than just one jack-ass? I honestly feel more like a second-class citizen because RDH is somehow my representative than his silly lawsuit. Can I sue him in Federal Court for making me and my whazzit look ridiculous (just to beat the wife to the punch, yes, I know I do a good enough job on my own)?

Another "man" who doesn't understand economics, George Washington University law professor John Banzhaf, says this is just the tip of the oppression iceberg. Seems Mr Banzhaf thinks the conspiracy of free choice spending extends to dry cleaners and hair-cuts. Just to help Mr Banzhaf out, no way no how will I spend what my wife spends on a hair-cut. I'm also in and out in 30 minutes, and have had the same basic hair cut since I retired my mullet in 1992. So a smart business owner maximizes what someone will pay, ladies will, and do, pay more, men, won't pay more, so they pay less. As far as clothes, I don't own nearly as many "dry clean only" clothes as my wife because I'm too lazy and don't care enough about them anyway. My local dry-cleaner would go broke waiting for me to bring my clothes in. His only chance is keep the prices down. In fact, I'm much more apt to by-pass a product that says "dry clean only" than to buy one. The clothing manufacturers know this too, and design around "dry clean only" products. There's nothing at all nefarious about any of these practices. In fact, if women wanted, they could easily band together and boycott until prices came down.

Bottom line? If ladies night was truly an oppressive, civil rights destroying, male bashing, submissive practice, guys wouldn't line up and frequent the bars that hold these events. The bar would suffer, and the bar owner would change the practice. Being a guy (I'm a life long member of the club), I'm fairly plugged into what bugs guys. Ladies night, I assure you, is not on the list. What does bug guys is little squirrelly cynics ruining a good thing and making us all look like idiots.

Steve Horner wants no friends

Apparently attempts to draw large amounts of inebriated women to one location deeply offends Mr Horner, and he's mad as hell and he's not taking it anymore. So Mr Horner filed suit to stop "ladies night" at bars in Colorado.

Why? Well legally its because he's being "discriminated" against. Funny, I didn't know that bitter, women hating divorcee was a protected minority. But the real reason? The article says that Mr Horner has "been on an anti-feminist crusade since his wife left him with two young children several years ago." Yes, clearly the feminist ideal that Gloria Steinem envisioned was, in fact, half-price drinks for ladies at bars across America, all the better if a wet t-shirt contest is thrown in. Well done Mr Horner, you've struck a direct and devastating blow against feminism! What will Ms Steinem do now that feminism has been set back so? (As a side, my bet is that Ms Steinem was no big fan of "ladies night," potentially throwing this into the upper reaches of the comedy scale.)

At the risk of putting words in Mr Horner's mouth (and also at the risk of killing the comedic genius of such mighty calls to arms as, "I will now make it a point to visit as many ladies nights as I can every week. I'll have my rights violated, then I'll sue them in county court and collect my $500 (the maximum penalty in county court for each incident of discrimination)...I feel it could net me $3,000 to $4,000 a week easy, and I'm going to do it"), I think he means that he's been on an "anti-women" crusade since his wife left him several years ago. Why anyone would want to leave such a fun loving guy is a real mystery.

Now ladies night may be a thing of the past (I think a bigger hit that the smoking ban). Soooo, to summarize, in the era before Mr Horner, ladies night meant that women got half-priced drinks, men got to hit on drunk women, and the world was a happier place once a week. Mr Horner, doing his best to bring back the He-Man Women Hater's Club, felt that this was an abomination, sued, won, and now ladies night is at risk. Wow, what a guy. He doesn't like ladies and has now ruined a good thing for all those who do. That's it, I hereby revoke his "guy" card. Revocation of said card means that guys everywhere are free to wedgie, wet willie, and titty twist (aka "Purple Nurple") Mr Horner at will, with the addition of a maximum of one swirly a week.

Lest we think he's done, Mr Horner adds, "It takes me five minutes to be discriminated against." Yes, and five seconds to sound like a complete idiot.