Chris Rock, Political Genius

Chris Rock makes a point about Presidential hopeful and NY Sen. Hillary Clinton.

I think America's ready for a woman president . . . just not that woman. Being married to somebody doesn't make you good at their job. I've been with my wife 10 years now. If she got up here right now, y'all wouldn't laugh. At all. You get on a plane tomorrow, you want the pilot's wife flying you?

Hard to argue against. We got our current President because he was someone's son. And look how great that turned out.

I mean think about it, just because Stalin's my friend doesn't mean he's a devastatingly handsome, witty, charming, smart and humble man like me. Would you trust him as your political guide? I think not.

Hmmm, can it be that Dynasties are actually bad? Should it be that you have to earn the Presidency?

Nawwww, just give me people I'm familiar with. Then I feel like I'm in the club.

Ayuh

From Dave Barry, "Swarming in the Land of Snow and Donuts," at miamiherald.com:

MANCHESTER, N.H. -- And so the eyeballs of the world turn to New Hampshire,
a tiny, flinty, gritty, Dunkin' Donuts-intensive state located mostly inside the
Arctic Circle. On Tuesday, the voters here will troop to the polls, where -- as
they have done every four years since 1952 -- they will turn around and troop
back home, because the polls, like virtually everything else here, are under 23
feet of snow.

But a few people, the truly flinty ones, will manage to actually vote,
and they will determine the course of this presidential race -- and, yes,
America's future -- for approximately two news cycles. Then the eyeballs of the
world will turn to either North or South Carolina (nobody is sure which) and the
people of New Hampshire will go back to their traditional flinty New England
lifestyle of sitting around eating doughnuts and waiting for the August
thaw.

When One Head is Better Than 50

Continuing my trek through the Bizzaro World that is the modern two party system, I stumbled upon this quote from allegedly Republican President George Bush regarding how the US should deal with greenhouse gasses.

The question is how to have an effective strategy. Is it more effective to let each state make a decision as to how to proceed in curbing greenhouse gases? Or is it more effective to have a national strategy?

Funny, I thought Republican's believed that the Great American Experiment was having 50 states trying 50 things and seeing what works best. Yes, yes McGinty you're probably right. W was trying to help the GOP distance itself from that well known disgrace Ronald Reagan who famously catered to the KKK when he made a speech referencing "States Rights." Whew. Now that the GOP is in danger of losing the White House, I guess it makes sense to try to out Democrat (another slur) the Democrats and get as far as possible from the RR (Granted, some might say that W already took the long walk off that short pier). Talk about two hearts living in just one mind. Just one mind, just one mind. Good to know that the Republic is dead, long live whoever holds the keys to the Federal Offices. Well, unless you're not quite born, then its all about giving the States the right to choose (see below).

Honestly, I have no idea what's the right thing to do with these gasses. For all I know, maybe we need more of them. I mean, isn't everyone always complaining about the lack of gas in America? Maybe W has a crazy solution to both problems. However, if the good people of California want to ignore the mad genius that is W and desire a tougher standard than the national one, I say let 'em. Then we can all see how it works out for them.

Now for some irresistible quick hits.

One, hearing W talk sincerely about the need for effective strategy is like hearing Brittney Spears talk sincerely about the need for effective family values.

Two, isn't W the same guy who says that the best way to handle the abortion issue is to let each state decide what's best for its citizens? Sooooooo, if you're keeping track at home (and if you're reading this blog you probably are, heck right now I'm in my jammies), that means that according to W, the need to protect the environment demands a sound national strategy, while the need to protect unborn children specifically doesn't require a sound national strategy. And I thought Gore was the one who was over the top on Global Warming. Poor Stalin. What to do when your hero W tries to out Gore Gore. Now that's...gory (ohhhhhhh, even I'm embarrassed by that one).

Three, I was trying to find a way to work C&C Music Factory's "Things That Make You Go Hmmm" into this post. But I was honestly embarrassed by the opening verse.

I was at the crib, sittin' by the fireplace
Drinkin' cocoa on the bear skin rug.

This is a rap song mind you, and this guy is boasting about sitting by the fireplace drinking hot chocolate on a bear skin rug. And you thought Barry Manilow songs were gay.

Fix Fact

From Radley Balko, "Death by Drug War," at The Agitator:

Washington State has a law allowing prosecutors to impose a special
homicide charge on people who supply drugs to overdose victims. The problem is
that the law itself may be causing more overdose deaths.

The state of Washington’s position is clear: If someone calls 911 whena
friend is overdosing, not only does the witness risk charges for possessing
or selling drugs (which 911 callers in these situations have feared since
the passage of the Controlled Substances Act), but he or she could be charged
with homicide, too. The end result? Overdose victims—who might survive with
promptmedical care—may be abandoned and left to die.

When you think about how the law would be applied, it’s far more likely
to catch teens and college kids who share illicit drugs with friends making
just such a decision than it is to catch any major drug dealer. I doubt many
peopleoverdose with their dealers . . .

And it makes another case for legalizing the possession and sale of drugs. There's no upside for any drug dealer, let alone a legitimized one, to let customers fix under his roof. Dope and coke ain't alcohol; fiends and base heads, they ain't Otis Campbell, coming or going, so a dealer's going to get them in and out fast, and let 'em get back to wherever they'd be, being who they choose to be, laws or no. Just with a lot less drama on the street.

Where to start?

Some quick hits to get us out of the gate.

Pope Says Gays are bad for peace. I don't know about that, haven't really seen the studies. But I do feel the need to point out that a German Pope is saying,

that a traditional family led by a husband and wife instilled values that promote peace.

Now, I don't want to point out the obvious, but I'm pretty sure Nazi Germany had a high "family rate" and they were definitely hostile to the gays, but oddly, not a lot of peace. In fact, as I review my history, lots of wars started by lots of nations with lots of families. I'm just not sure that gays are the big threat facing the world today, maybe we should focus our attention elsewhere. On a roll, he says,

Those who are hostile, even unknowingly, to the institution of the family ... make peace fragile for the entire national and international community.

He's looking at you New Hampshire and you're gay love...love. Not only are you on the forefront of determining the next "Most Powerful Person in the World*" but you're also at the forefront for the next World War! Lots of pressure on the Granite State. My protest sign? Civil Unions=Civil Wars!

Speaking of War, McCain pulled an Unknown Blogger and returned strong for 2008! How'd that happen? Latest poll has them at a tie. Clearly the fine people of NH don't read the H-Blog. If they did, they would know that we declared McCain yesterday's news way back in July 2007. Come on people pay attention, I'm prognosticating here.

In other election news, Mike Huckabee has decided that wrapping himself in the flag is soooo tacky. The Cross is much, much better. Between ads with not so subtle "God's Behind Me!" themes, and "Take a knee for me" slogans, Ol' Mike is not so much asking for the Religious Conservative Vote as begging for it. Maybe that's why he's on his knees so much. No push back from me, I'm a big fan of free speech, and talking about religion is clearly speech so I say, Keep on Truckin'. But, as a voter, I'm a bit weary of Christ as the new Flag.

Did you say Fag? Looks like gay couples get "divorced" too. And when they do, not so fun. Welcome to the club boys (and girls). My advice? RUN! You can cheat nature, but you can't cheat the statistics.

Just ask Olympic Champion Justin Gatlin who tried to run and cheat nature, but he too got caught (who knew sprinting was so gay?). Busted for doping, the Gold Medalist is out for Beijing. Again, I renew the call for The Unknown Blogger's Simple Solution For Cheating (and cure for Ricketts). It's right there folks, yours for the taking. Maybe if I could get some media attention.

Me and Ron Paul. FOX News, "Fair and Balanced" unless you annoy us is not allowing Mr. Paul to play with the other kids at the big debate. Something about polling numbers, but wait, Mr. Paul is polling better than former Belle of the Ball Fred Thompson who made the cut (sort of like the number one draft pick who's clearly a bust but teams keep bringing him in because "Hey, he was the first pick in the draft! Maybe he'll turn it around for us.") There's also a rant about the power and danger of media control and the new FCC arguments for rules allowing for more consolidation. Oh well, given how we all love and trust the media, its all good right? For the record, I think FOX caves and Mr Paul makes the list.

In other news, the Unknown Blogger promises vows to create policy that will insure that the sun will rise tomorrow. Mike Huckabee vowed a defense build-up that would produce

"a military of sorts that no one on earth would want to take us on."

Really, does he feel like that's not the case now? Who's looking to take us on? I love it when a politician creates a controversy around something I already have, then promises to give it back to me the way it was before he created the controversy. Especially when it will cost billions. If you're keeping track at home, we already have an untouchable military. Unless he's saying that it's no longer untouchable, which then seems like a direct attack on the Bush Administration.

Really quick...Hillary and Obama neck and neck. Guiliani in a free fall. Romney, up down, all around, getting dogged, and spending loads, but still the front runner.

Whew, that's the US update. I think some things are going on elsewhere, but that doesn't really matter anyway...right?

*Can't even say "Most Powerful Man in the World" anymore thanks to that woman Hillary Clinton.

Hydrablog's New Year's Present to all

Happy New Year reader (Hi Ma!).  As a gift, and offering, for the new year, Hydrablog has brought back the internet's most sought after blogger.  That's right folks, The Unknown Blogger has returned! Like Mac Arthur to the Philippines, or Stalin Malone to the Red Lobster Shrimp and Lobster Fest, I'm back.

So for all of you who have been following those "other" Unknowns, rest assured that only Hydrablog has the original.  All those other dopplegangers are but pale imitations.  As you could clearly see if I wasn't "Unknown" I'm simply much, much better looking than the others.  At least according to the Carthart Scale of Attractiveness, where I'm a solid 70-105 Wellots above the rest.  And Stalin, don't even bring up the Nelpert Scale of Looks.  Everyone knows that Nelpert omits "Animalist Mysteryism" which you have to take into account to get any semblance of hotness.  So dear readers, if you see a blogger claiming to be the Unknown Blogger who isn't a solid 1, 245 Wellots on the Carthart Scale, its not me.  It's why I have to wear the bag, keeps the ladies in check.

So, taking a quick review of the blog since McGinty and I had our little "altercation."  (I'll never forgive you McGinty, never.  That was my Eggo, damnit!).  Apparently we're heading into an election year, only from the looks of things it.s 2000 because Stalin's on some kind of full out attack on Al Gore.  It takes real insight to wade into the 2000 Presidential Election in 2008 Stalin, keep up the good work!

So happy reader (Hi Ma!) get ready to hunker down and ride 2008 with the Hydrablog crew.  Election season, gotta love it.

Someone Take Away Al Gore's Belt and Shoelaces

Let the HBlog be your source for all things climate related. And let Al Gore continue to be your guide down the path of failure. You'd think you'd have to feel bad for the guy. He was the heir apparent to 8 years of peace and prosperity and still America rejected him. He started a television channel for the young and hip and found out it wasn't cool enough for anyone to watch. Then he staked what remained of his credibility on the trendy crisis of the hour and now his iceberg is melting out from under him. Poor fractured Al Gore. But there really is no need to cry because he still lives in a country where even if you fail at every turn you can still find enough dupes to make you extravagantly wealthy. So the facts may not support any of Al's hysterical poses, but being wrong isn't enough to discredit a prophet in Green America.

Global Alarming

If you've got a hysterical streak in you then most likely you have already joined the global warming crowd. You've been screaming yourself horse at rallies or lying awake at night weeping for drowning polar bears. What you haven't been doing is asking the question...does this make sense? Well, thankfully there are people in this world who don't always join the in crowd just to be liked. And now, they are speaking up about global warming.

As the article shows, there is anything but a consensus regarding the cause of global warming/climate change (sorry Al Gore). What is clear is that we are currently in a warming trend because the planet is forever heating and cooling. That's right...change is NORMAL. What should scare us is if the climate for some reason STOPPED changing. That would be unprecedented. But deserts are forever expanding and contracting, as are the ice caps and the populations of millions of species. People weren't somehow dropped onto an orb in perfect balance and then managed to knock every thing off kilter...no matter what the hysterics say.

So why are there so many shrill voices demanding we fix a problem that may not even be a problem? Or something that can be fixed? Its because we are so narcissistic. We seem to need to believe that we are in control. This can be good when it makes us responsible for things we really can control. But it makes us utterly foolish and hysterical when we run up against things beyond our control. And climate change is just that. In effect, the Chicken Littles in Bali are asking us all to stand in front of a speeding freight train and hum as loud as we can to make it stop. Their solutions are small and sad and will do nothing about the freight train. They will do much harm as they reduce standards of living all over the world (assuming anyone actually implements whatever silly plan happens to get ratified) and millions of people suffer as a result.

It takes courage to stand against the crowd. There was a time when it was even respectable. Now if you aren't part of the group think the group will try to shut you down. Well, thankfully these scientists won't let that happen no matter how hard the press tries. And thankfully the US won't support this silliness, no matter how hard Al Gore tries to shame us into being cool. Even though everyone else is doing it.

At Least He's Tough

Rudy says no to flat tax because he wants to protect the oh so important home mortgage deduction. This sums up so much of what is wrong with modern Republicans (as my friend UBlo used to point out so well). Why should we implement a system that would save every tax paying American money if it may increase the taxes on one particular group? Because we aren't...and Rudy should know that. Ok, homeowners won't be able to deduct one type of expenditure, so what? They will more than make up for it with tax savings in other areas. If I told you that I'm going to reduce your heating bill by $100 a month but increase your electric bill by $30 would you have a problem with that? Well, Rudy, would. He'd say, "I just don't think its right to be increasing people's electric bills at this time." That's pandering, folks...or ignorance, and I'm not sure which is worse.

Before I Voted Against It...

I've always been fascinated by people that support Bill Clinton. Now, don't get me wrong, the world is full of misguided people who are not capable of seeing things as they really are. That they would rally around Bill is anything but surprising. However, at some point even the most obtuse reach a breaking point. A point when their cognitive dissonance gets so strong that their hands start to tremble.

Bill Clinton this week (Or last week. Hey, cut me some slack, I'm just a blogger) tried to convince a room full of conscious adults that he has been against the Iraq war from the beginning. I hope Sandy Berger has some really big pants because there is a lot of documentary evidence that he is going to have to steal and destroy to cover up this one. Finding contradictions to this fantasy is a trivial affair...here's a good one. And for those as lazy as me the juicy bits:

"That's why I supported the Iraq thing. There was a lot of stuff unaccounted for. So I thought the President had an absolute responsibility to go to the U.N. and say, "Look, guys, after 9/11, you have got to demand that Saddam Hussein lets us finish the inspection process." You couldn't responsibly ignore [the possibility that] a tyrant had these stocks. I never really thought he'd [use them]. What I was far more worried about was that he'd sell this stuff or give it away."

Oh, I know what the qualifier to all this is. Bill said at one point in the past that he would have timed an invasion somewhat differently. He would have waited for Hans Blix to come back with his report even though Hans was being stone walled and no report was coming. Well let me tell you, even Ray Charles can see through that...and he's dead.

Someone please tell me when is enough enough? Do we really want more of this Clintonian clap-trappery? Does anyone think Hillary is really different? Or even her own person? I understand that some people would literally vote for Satan if he supported their policy agenda but I believe at some point even supporters get fatigued when their boy (or gal) insists on embarrassing them over and over. Seriously, how much more embarrassing can Bill Clinton get? I guess we'll find out if he becomes the first male first lady.

Fight the Power

The mainstream media has finally joined the fight started by this cutting edge blog. That's right, as I reminded you yesterday we were first to mock the prophets of precipitation seven months ago. "Who do they think they are telling us how many hurricanes to expect?" we asked. Well, it now seems the arrogance of these self-appointed rainmakers runs much deeper than we first thought. Not only do they make laughable predictions, but they also fudge the data to game the predictions. Pete Rose and I hope each and everyone of these wicked weathermen receive a lifetime ban from the Weatherman Hall of Fame. But we have a feeling that these storm-chasing Chicken Littles will turn a blind eye to this whole sordid scandal because without credibility what will the Windy Wendys have left?

I have met the enemy, and his name is...meteorologist!

Psychic Blogger of the Year

You want predictions that mean something? HBlog wrote this very article seven months ago. Is the hair standing up on the back of your neck? Well, it should be.

Take That, Fatty

Now, I hate fat people as much as the next guy, but joining New Zealand's blubber bashing is not the intent of this post. (Of course, I'm kidding. Hey, I've got plenty of fat friends) The ugly reality is that New Zealand is completely justified in their eater hating. It goes without saying that unhealthy people cost society more health care dollars than healthy people do. Which is why I've always rooted for Skinny Oprah. Therefore, if my countrymen are going to pay the cost of my health care I owe it to them to stay in shape. Or, to put it more accurately, to get free check ups you must sell your body.

Once universal health care is put in place you no longer have the right to live as you choose. And if you think you do; you are an arrogant ass. The price of letting someone else pay your way is they get to call the shots. It is an obvious truth. One parents used to teach to their children. Once society is bearing the cost of one's health I challenge anyone to show me where the governor is that will allow the individual to still live as they choose. And if you find yourself responding with, "Well, so what, it will be good for that person to have to be healthy," then go with that...and let your inner fascist out. Before you sign up for the newest craze that's sweeping the soft-headed nation maybe you can humor me and ask yourself if it's really worth the cost?

And if you need me...I'll be at Krispy Kreme while I still can.

Throw It On the Pile

Just throw this story on the pile of all the others that utterly and completely disprove the notion that anyone lied us into the war in Iraq. As I've said in the past, there are actually good reasons to oppose the war in Iraq and even to dislike George Bush. But "he lied us into war" is simply stupid. Saddam not only did all he could to make us believe he had WMD, he did all he could to make the Iranians think that as well. Logic is never welcome in a fanatics world so these truths are not for the impeach-Bush-he's-a-war-criminal crowd. Its for more thoughtful people. People like you. People who read Hydrablog and never miss our biannual posts.

Play Nice Children

"One of the most ugly and poisonous things" he's ever read! Mein Kampf? Helter Skelter? Maxim? No. Mr. Pullman, the soon to be famous author of the Golden Compass, is referring to the Chronicles of Narnia. That's right. The often sugary sweet series by (evil genius?) C.S. Lewis. Now, I'm no world renowned psychotherapist but here's a sentiment that I think anyone who's read the Chronicles of Narnia would share...Mr. Pullman has issues.

I refuse to paint all atheists with the same brush, but Mr. Pullman and Annie Laurie Geller risk setting atheism back eons...perhaps to the time when lighting creating all things out of mud. "Mr. Phillips and I would say it is religion that poisons everything," saith Ms. Geller. Religion? Not just the Jews this time? Or the gays? Or the Gypsies? I hope I won't have to wait as long for atheists to rally against such blatant bigotry and hatred as I've had to wait for the Muslims. Is "hatred" too strong? Let's ask Mr. Pullman..."I loathe the 'Narnia" books...I hate them with a deep and bitter passion..." No.

Is a Change a Comin'?

I'm not sure anyone should be ready to call Al-Jazeera an ally in the war on terror just yet. But is it possible that time is now on our side? Bin Laden is clearly frustrated with the inability of his holy warriors to drive out the crusaders. Bush's stubbornness has apparently gotten under his craw. And now Al-Jazeera has realized it's good press to report on the dissension in the ranks of terrorism. So the west can no longer pretend that the Iraqi resistance is unified and unyielding and conclude that Bush should just give up and go home.

What our generation (and our parent's) has not had to learn is that war is a long, brutal process. And the winner doesn't have to execute the best or strategize the best. Often the winner just has to wait for the other guy to blink. Now the Left started blinking about the time the dust from the Twin Towers got in their eyes, but thankfully, they aren't America. America, has been considering blinking for several years now but hasn't. And that is almost solely to the credit of President Bush who hasn't allowed it. In that time, there has been no sign that the terrorists in Iraq and elsewhere were even considering blinking. But now, with Al Jazeera willing to report that there may be disunity in the great struggle against the occupiers one can't help but wonder if this isn't the beginning. Shouldn't it be obvious to everyone that the longer the insurgents see that their tactics are failing the more frustrated and disheartened they will become? Perhaps common sense isn't so common.

Swing and a Miss

No wonder congress is home to the only politicians less liked than President Bush. (34.3% approval for Bush, 23.5% approval for Congress) The Democratic Senators who tried to make hay out of comments made by Rush Limbaugh played themselves right into his hands. The "controversial" talk jock (do I sound mainstream now?) who, if anything, practically worships the military was accused of "calling into question" the service of our troops in Iraq. How so? By using the term "phony soldiers". Of course, in context this term referred to soldiers like Jesse Macbeth who have lied about what they did in Iraq to gain notoriety and feed the anti-war crowd's need for proof that they are right. I'm sure Dan Rather will soon speak out in defense of Mr. Macbeth since even though his "facts" are lies his "position" is correct. But I digress...so the Democrats try to outmaneuver the biggest American military/Iraq war cheerleader by saying he doesn't respect our troops in harms way. As Confucius says, "What is the sound of wood hitting nothing?" (he didn't actually SAY that, but it's in line with his positions. You got my back, Dan?) And playing this utterly impotent attack off as a joke is absolutely the right move. Wow, this was like watching a Patriots v. Dolphins game...no contest.

Honey, I Shrunk the Condom

After years of tireless lobbying, UBlo has finally struck a blow for the little guy. Condom manufacturers have arrogantly been turning out their products with a minimum size of 6.3 inches. These "circus tents" as UBlo has long referred to them are not only an environmentally unfriendly waste of latex, but they are an anachronistic nod to the phallocentric man worship of the dark ages. "Let's get real!," has been the cry of UBlo and his Japanese supporters for years now. When asked if he was at all reticent about being the face of this movement UBlo replied, "I'm not ashamed to order a small Pepsi so why should I be ashamed to ask for a small condom?" Look for the new custom fit condoms at a mall kiosk near you.

Death To Democracy

Lethal injection is cruel and unusual because it can cause "excruciating pain". Well, having a baby DOES cause excruciating pain...when is someone going to ban that?

The reality here is that all capital punishment is cruel and unusual to those who oppose it. They see the cruel and unusual protection as the poison pill that can kill a policy that is supported by the people. So the definition only needs to get so broad that all capital punishment fits inside and then, just like that, the people will have been beaten by semantics. It sure beats having to change people's minds in a free democracy. Who has time for that?

There's another way to stick it to the rabble. You can have your local professional group force its members to boycott a legal and democratically approved execution. The argument here (if you can believe the story...it is from CBS) being doctors shouldn't kill patients...unless they ask for it...or their mother's do. More meds for me please...I can still see the truth.

Kill the Messengers or The Mouse That Didn't Roar

Let me tell you why this country, despite lilting significantly in their direction, will not get behind the Democrat's plan to cut and run from Iraq...their spokesmen. War fatigue is a fact of democracy. It is inevitable. America has it. Therefore, there is no easier position than the one staked out by the Democrats. And still they can't muster enough support to accomplish anything on that issue. And all you need to do is listen to the somnolent droning of Jack Reed or the shrill whining of Nancy Pelosi or the prissy preaching of John Kerry to understand why. It is so pathetic that the Democrat leadership thinks just because Jack Reed has some kind of military background (bugle player?) his wimpish delivery of liberal tough talk will resonate with people who want to be kept safe from terror. It won't. The only reason Hillary has a chance to be Pres is because she IS the ice queen...and she seems tough. When nothing is going on you can sell us a non-threatening dough boy like Billy Clinton, but when there's murder afoot it's going to take more than jittery Jack Reed to win over this country. Tonight the Democrat rebuttle didn't and now you know why.