Monday, June 11, 2007

This story is sooo gay its the bomb

I'm reluctantly posting this because I'm 90% sure its some kind of hoax, but I love the imagery, so here goes.

Apparently the Pentagon asked for $7.5 million to create a Gay Bomb, and I'm not talking about "To Wong Fu, Thanks for Everything, Julie Newmar." Some guy named Edward Hammond with Berkeley's Sunshine Project used the Freedom of Information Act to obtain records from Air Force's Wright Laboratory in Dayton, Ohio and found a project to create this gay bomb and the Pentagon confirmed it. My guess is that "Gaydar" was too costly so we're stuck with "Don't Ask, Don't Tell."

Anyway, the idea behind the bomb was to come up with chemicals that would not only turn you gay, but sexed up gay. So much so, that you would immediately stop fighting for you life in a war zone and start making out with your fellow soldiers and jump into the nearest foxhole.

Can you imagine the pitch? "OK, I got this idea see. Let's create a bomb, but a non lethal one. All we have to do is turn the enemy gay. Right? You with me? But just gay isn't enough. Gay people want to live. We need gay's who want to love, and love right now. See? So we'll bomb 'em with some kind of chemical, A "gay" chemical, like...like lavender. Lavender makes you gay right? Then we need to get them all hot. Let's see, maybe we can deliver the load with leather pants? No, too hard to get the size right. Well hell, we'll just include another chemical that gets 'em all worked up. I know, let's use sweat. Gays like sweat right? Hey, I'm sweatin' right now, get some of this off my head, hurry. So now we have the perfect bomb, lavender and my sweat. We just some money for a lavender field and a treadmill. $7.5 million should do it. Who's with me? Come on boys, let's get 'em."

I'm entering this for a "Creepy Idea of the Year" even though it occurred in 1994.

1 comment:

StalinMalone said...

This is no joke. A friend of my mother knew a guy who was in the military in the mid 90's when they were testing this thing. Now, I can't confirm that he was exposed to this bomb, but I can say that he is currently the best dressed sargeant in the army and I hear he is considering doing hair on the side.