Al gets Gored on Home Energy Use

Sorry, everyone else was using some kind of "Inconvienient Truth" tie-in to discuss big Al's home electricity bill. Anyway, said bill is about $30 grand, and represents usage of about 20x the national average. OK, sure it looks bad, but only to those who are ignorant about the greater "environmental" message, and of course, those who wish to damage Gore. Says some random former adviser,

"I think what you're seeing here is the last gasp of the global warming skeptics. They've completely lost the debate on the issue so now they're just attacking their most effective opponent."

See, the fact that Just Call Me Al uses 20x the national average isn't news, its not hypocritical, its not ironic even, its just a feeble attempt by those who don't believe in global warming to show that a guy who does maybe isn't doing so much personally, "do as I say" and all that.

Anyway, allow me enlighten you with an assist from fictional Stalin.

Stalin: One, the mansion. Seriously, what's the deal with that?
Unknown Blogger: Gore spokes-person Kalee Kreider points out that it's old, and that's part of the problem, its just not that efficient. Anyone who knows anything about environmentalism knows the "reduce, reuse, recycle" slogan. Gore is heroically doing just that. Sure, any other multi-millionaire could invest in the latest and greatest efficiency technology by building from scratch. Maybe even use their home to highlight said technology, but not Gore. He's "reusing" an old house. It's right there in the slogan Stalin. It's not "reduce, build new, recycle." Gore's taking one on the chin for his principles. By refurbishing a 20 room mansion, he's simply taking an inefficient home off the market.

SM: 20 rooms? But isn't it just he and Tipper at this point? Shouldn't he be "reducing" as part of that catchy slogan?
UB: Excellent question. One, he needs all those rooms to store excess carbon, preventing it from entering the atmosphere. Duh. Two, the article points out that he works from home. One room for leading Global Warming Charge, one room for possible Presidential run, one room for actual "working out," plus Tipper needs offices because its not like music's getting any cleaner, it adds up real quick. Why do you think offices are always in those big high rises. Plus, it saves on the commute.

SM: But $30 thousand?
UB: Yes, $30k sounds big, especially when the 2005 median household income was just north of $46k (but remember, housing is most peoples largest expense). But lets look at the numbers. It was $31,512 in 2005 and $29,268 in gas and electric bills in 2006, what did you do that saved $2,244 in gas and electric bills last year? Quit being a half-empty type of guy. Hater.

SM: All I'm saying is that you gave Bill Bennett a lot of grief for his gambling, certainly Gore deserves some heat (ed note: Stalin is famous for his really bad puns) for his energy usage. Even if he gets it all from renewable resources, its not setting a great example. When you hold yourself up as a paragon, condemn others and try to convince them to change their ways, your house (again with the bad puns) should be in order.
UB: Once again, you've completely missed the point. By spending almost a luxury car in gas and electric each year, Gore is heroically trying to bring the price down for the rest of us. Everyone knows that as the market for renewables goes up the price goes down. The problem is having enough need to bring expenses down. By spending so much on gas and electric, Gore is taking the price down for the rest of us. No Gore = higher prices. The man invented the internet and now he's single handedly bringing down the cost of renewable energy. I think I'm tearing up.

SM: Why is he just now getting around to installing solar? Isn't that an easy first step?
UB: The fact is solar wouldn't really help, his house doesn't get much sun due to being in the shadow of such a magnificent man.

SM: OK, so what about the private jet?
UB: Again, you're ignorance and lack of imagination show through. Gore needs a private jet so he can personally inspect the atmosphere.

SM: Once again Unknown Blogger, you have proven yourself to be my superior in every way. I'm so glad you're "unknown." If I had to face the world everyday with your vast greatness overshadowing my every move, it would be hard to get out of bed.
UB: Hey don't sweat it. By the way, you do have the superior penmanship, never, ever forget that.